Christine Bell never expected to be a carer, but she found herself looking after her mum as her health deteriorated. At the height of her stress, she turned to The Carents Room – and found the help and support she needed.
“Caring for mum was an emotional rollercoaster – and one I’d never expected to have to ride.
“But a couple of years ago when my mum, Beryl, ended up in hospital following a fall at home, her health needs dominated the lives of both me and my sister”.
“After the fall her health and quality of life deteriorated. There were more falls, more hospital stays – and a need for care.
“She’d always told myself and my sister that, should it reach that point, she wanted to go in a home but that was really hard to make the decision on and although there was enough in savings to help us we could not make this life changing decision without advice so I contacted social services.
“It turned out, my parents had saved too hard. Social services could offer no help, stating because their savings exceeded the threshold needed to qualify for extra support they were unable to help us at all, we could not even get an assessment from them or any advice
“That put a lot of the extra load onto myself and my sister who were not experts in the social and health care needs of elderly people! We spent a lot of time on Google learning about things like dementia clocks, easy to cook meals, mobility aids.
“Mum loved us and we loved her so much – and that’s what partially made our carenting experience such an emotional whirlwind.
“We always wanted to do right by her, but we have our own extremely busy lives. I work full time and lived 200 miles away from her.
“So making that frequent journey down to London by train was so hard. I was effectively running two households at opposite ends of the country.
“It was exhausting. It was emotionally draining. And I felt at times incredibly isolated.
“That’s when I found The Carents Room – and it was a godsend.
“One night, at the height of it all, I logged on and left a message at 10pm just venting about my experience.
“The responses, support, and genuine compassion I received made me realise that I wasn’t alone in this.
“I was feeling frustrated, and angry but also really sad about my mum. I was losing her and I just needed someone to understand how I felt.
“So having The Carents Room as a space to share my conflicting emotions around my mum, with people who genuinely understand and care about you, is invaluable.
“They are people who have walked in your shoes, and it really helped me through the darkest days. I found the whole experience cathartic.
“We lost mum a few months ago. We’d managed to keep her at home until the end.
“It was exhausting, but I still miss her. I loved her so much.
“Dad is still with us, and sadly he now has dementia. I’m just glad I have The Carents Room as an emotional crutch to help me through it.”
If you are struggling and looking for support, connect with others who understand what you are going through in our private Facebook group The Carents Lounge