Caring for a parent is one of the most profound acts of love there is. It’s also one of the most complex, emotional and often invisible roles we take on.
For Mother’s Day this year, we wanted to share a letter we received from a member of our community. It’s addressed to her mum – but it’s also a letter to all of us who are navigating that shifting dynamic from being cared for to being the one who cares.
It’s about devotion. About distance. About doing your best even when your best doesn’t feel like enough.
And it’s about love – unwavering, generous, lifelong love.
A Letter from a Daughter
Dear Mum,
I will always love you.
I’ve been your carent for many years. It is a challenge full of emotions, frustrations, heartbreak and love. I am very sad that I am no longer able to provide the all-encompassing care that you need.
This is why at age 86 years young, with complex physical care needs and dementia, you are now living in the best care home that could be found for you.
Please don’t cry, Love. Please help me to help you as much as I can, in order for us to have as much quality time and fun together as we can, for as long as we can.
You may not remember, but I’m also facing a lot of personal challenges including worsening health, debts, mould in the housing association home I live in, etc. and I am no longer able to work which is another challenge.
I live in London and you live on the Fylde Coast. Over the years, I’ve been a yo-yo between the two places.
I’ve thought and fought for the two of us, I’ve sorted care, cleared your house, then your independent living flat. I’ve tried to keep your important memories, eg photos, but there was such a vast amount of ‘things’ that had to go.
I continue to deal with many things, including your finances, departments of state, councils, medical, care home needs, etc, etc. I’ve wiped your bum, dried your tears, and held your hand.
I always want to hold your hand, to listen to you tell of your memories as you grew from a little girl in Bury, your stories of family and friends, working in the town hall, meeting Dad, working in the post office, retiring, Dad passing, the loneliness and your bravery when finding yourself on your own.
I will always do my best for you.
I hope you can understand.
Love from your daughter
For the Carents Reading This…
If this letter resonates with you, you’re not alone.
Whether you’re making difficult decisions about care, travelling up and down the country every week, or simply sitting quietly with your parent while they doze – what you’re doing matters. Even when no one sees it. Especially then.
We know that many carents are juggling their own health, homes and finances while holding it all together for someone else. This letter doesn’t just honour one mum – it honours every son and daughter trying to do their best, often in near impossible circumstances.
This Mother’s Day, if you’re not able to pick up the perfect gift or take your mum out to lunch – know that what you’re doing is more than enough.
You’re showing up with love, day in, day out. And that deserves to be recognised.
Have a story to share? We’d love to hear from more Carents about the reality behind the role. Whether it’s a letter, a moment, or a milestone – email us at hello@carents.co.uk or join the conversation in the private Carents Lounge.
From all of us at Carents – Happy Mother’s Day. However you’re spending it, we see you.
