Caring for an elderly relative is a journey filled with both rewarding and challenging moments. Loneliness can often be one of those challenges, affecting not only carents but also the people they care for. Recently, we hosted a workshop with Jacqueline Weeks, a Coaching Psychologist and Founder of VISE Mental Fitness, to explore this important topic.
Understanding the Shared Experience of Loneliness
During the workshop, carents had the opportunity to connect with others in similar situations. Many shared how feelings of loneliness negatively impact their relationships with their parents and other areas of life, including work and personal relationships. Despite recognising this, carents often feel guilty about taking time for themselves to engage in hobbies, exercise, or work. This guilt can create a cycle that’s hard to break, worsening feelings of isolation.
Carents also noticed that when their parents felt lonely, they would absorb these feelings and feel lonely themselves. The reverse was also true—when carents felt lonely, the people they cared for sensed it and experienced their own loneliness.
The Science Behind Shared Emotions
Jacqueline introduced us to the concept of mirror neurons—a special region in our brains responsible for empathy. These neurons fire when we observe someone else experiencing something, effectively ‘mirroring’ their emotions. This biological response helps us understand and connect with others but can also mean we inadvertently absorb negative feelings like loneliness.
Being aware of this can help us manage how we respond to others’ emotions. By recognising that some of what we’re feeling might be a reflection of someone else’s emotional state, we can take steps to buffer that transfer of emotion.
Practical Tips to Break the Cycle of Loneliness
At the end of the workshop, we collaborated to create a list of practical tips that have helped other carents manage loneliness:
• Start Small: Even a few minutes a day of something enjoyable can make a difference.
• Find Ways to Laugh: Watching old TV shows or comedies can lift your spirits.
• Keep Moving: Gentle activities like stretching or a short walk can boost your mood.
• Mindfulness Apps: Apps like Calm or Headspace offer quick meditation sessions.
• Engage in Meaningful Activities: Whether it’s joining a community group, pursuing a personal interest, or contributing to a cause you’re passionate about, engaging in activities outside of your caregiving role can enhance your well-being and alleviate feelings of loneliness.
• Embrace Technology: Devices like Alexa can provide entertainment and assist with communication.
• Reconnect with Past Interests: If you can’t participate in a hobby as before, consider alternative ways to engage with it, such as watching a sport you used to play.
• Brain Games: Activities like Sudoku can keep your mind active.
• Share Memories: Use services like FreePrints to print photos and spark new conversations.
• Stay Connected: Video calls with friends and family can alleviate feelings of isolation.
Balancing Empathy and Emotional Well-being
One of the key takeaways was the importance of being mindful of how emotions can transfer between people. When caring for someone who is feeling low, it’s natural to empathise deeply. However, absorbing their negative emotions can affect your own well-being. By recognising this, you can find ways to support your loved one while also taking care of yourself.
Approaching interactions with a calm and compassionate mindset can help create a more positive experience for both of you. It’s not about forcing positivity or ignoring your own feelings, but rather about maintaining healthy emotional boundaries. This balance allows you to provide support effectively without becoming overwhelmed by shared emotions.
Loneliness is a common experience among carents, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By understanding the science behind shared emotions and adopting practical strategies, you can break the cycle of loneliness. Remember, taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for your well-being and enables you to provide better care for your loved one.
If you’re interested in joining future workshops or connecting with other carents, sign up to our events waiting list, or join The Carents Lounge.
