How Long Will I Be Caring for My Parents?

Reviewed by: Dr Jackie Gray, Public Health Expert and Retired GP
(Carents Trusted Reviewer Programme – Last reviewed January 2026)

Wanting to know how many years you might be a carent does not mean you love your parent any less. It usually means you are tired, stretched, and trying to survive alongside caring.

Many carents feel ashamed for even asking the question. They worry it sounds cold or transactional. In reality, the uncertainty is often harder than the caring itself. Not knowing how long this phase of life might last can make it impossible to plan work, relationships, finances, or even rest.

Carents often put their own lives on hold “for now”, only to realise that now has stretched into years. Wanting a timeline is about wanting permission to think about your own future, not about wishing time away.

Acknowledging this can reduce guilt and help you make choices that are sustainable, rather than burning out quietly.

Different conditions are linked to very different care timelines.

If a parent has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, this means doctors believe it cannot be cured and is likely to shorten their life. That could mean days, weeks, months, or sometimes years. It varies widely depending on the illness and treatment.

Within the NHS, end-of-life care is usually offered when someone is thought to be in their final year of life. Palliative care, which focuses on comfort and quality of life, can be introduced at any stage.

If doctors believe someone may be in their final year, they can complete forms under the “special rules” to give faster access to benefits such as Attendance Allowance. The process differs slightly between England and Scotland.

By contrast, conditions such as dementia or progressive neurological illnesses often involve much longer periods of care. People may live for many years, with support needs gradually increasing.

Dementia changes the question of how long caring lasts. Unlike many physical illnesses, dementia usually progresses slowly, sometimes over a decade or more.

Early on, support may involve reminders, emotional reassurance, and help managing finances or appointments. Over time, this can grow into daily supervision, personal care, and eventually full-time support.

Because people with dementia can live for many years, carents often underestimate how long the journey will be. It is common for carents to cope at first by “just doing a bit more”, only to find themselves providing intensive care years later.

Understanding that dementia care is often long-term can help carents plan earlier, seek help sooner, and avoid reaching crisis point.

Research into care needs gives a more practical picture for carents.

One study of older adults in France looked at how long people typically spent at different stages of declining independence. It found clear differences between men and women.

Although women often live longer, they are more likely to spend more time in poor health. This means caring for an ageing mother often lasts longer than caring for an ageing father.

The following time periods were commonly observed for those aged 75- 95 years who needed additional care or support: 

When combined, some people needed support for up to eight to ten years, with care demands increasing over time.

This suggests that if you have started helping with everyday tasks, you may be looking at:

• around one to four more years of support

• longer if your parent is your mother

• significantly longer if dementia or a progressive neurological condition is involved

Home factors also matter. In this study, stairs and unsuitable bathrooms were common reasons people lost independence sooner.

Caring without an end date can feel like living in limbo. Many carents delay big decisions because everything feels temporary, even when it is not.

Planning does not mean assuming the worst. It means giving yourself options. This might include:

• thinking about how much care you can realistically provide

• exploring support services earlier than you think you need

• having honest conversations with siblings or professionals

Planning also includes planning for yourself. Rest, boundaries, and support are not luxuries. They are what allow caring to continue without damaging your own health.

You do not need certainty to plan. You just need permission to accept that this might last longer than you hoped.

There is no simple answer. Unless your parent has been given a terminal diagnosis, care timelines depend on age, sex, health conditions, and how quickly support needs increase.

If you are already providing substantial help with daily life, your support may be needed for another one to three years. In some cases, it may be much longer.

On average, ageing mothers tend to need care for longer than ageing fathers. Knowing this does not make caring easier, but it can help you plan more realistically and feel less blindsided by what lies ahead.

Reviewed by Dr Jackie Gray, January 2026