How to help a loved one who is a carer

Helping a loved one who is a carer

Now we are all living longer, it is increasingly common for older adults to be acting as full time carers for their partner or spouse.  Often grappling with their own health problems, they find themselves providing care “around the clock” day in day out without any respite.  

It is all too common to overlook the needs of the carer and focus on the person that needs care. However, the carer needs help too.   Providing live in care can be exhausting and can put an enormous strain on an individual’s health and wellbeing. 

You can provide support to these carers by recognising the stresses and demands they face and advocating for their needs.  

What can you do to help?

All families and relationships are different, but here are some simple ideas to help you support your loved one if they are a carer: 

1. Help them to take a break or get a good night sleep by either offering to provide some back up care yourself, arranging for other friends and relatives to do so or arranging some external care and support services including respite care. 
2. Help them to understand their role as a carer and the practical, health and financial support that might be available to them such as carers assessments or allowances.  Make sure they register themselves as a carer so that they an get as much help as possible from their local surgery.
3. Discuss with them what you  – and/or others  –  could do to lighten the overall load and  reduce their daily burden.  Whether it’s regular or occasional help with shopping, meal prep, laundry, housework, maintenance gardening etc rest assured that “every little helps”!
4. Do not overlook the value of emotional support.  Offer a listening ear, try to understand how they are coping, empathise.  Ask how are you? And keep asking until you get at the truth. 
5. Problems are a regular event for carers.  Explore their concerns, offer solutions and consider whether you can help with practical problem.  You might find it easier to locate suitable information, advice, products, services, or experts that can help  to overcome current challenges. 
6. Most humans like to feel appreciated for their efforts.  Carers are no different.  A token of support, whatever is likely to be appropriate, will always be welcome.  Think cards, flowers, gifts or treats such as a trip out for coffee, tea etc.
7. Remember that carers often forego their own needs and make sure you champion and advocate on their behalf.  Whether it’s  health care appointments, personal grooming, pleasant activities, or social events, make sure that they don’t miss out.
8. Finally, they might be feeling lonely or isolated but might also be reluctant to open up to you, or burden you with their concerns.  Identify any local carers support groups which might be helpful to them and encourage them to get involved.

What else do you suggest? Let us know