Romance Fraud and Older Parents: How to Protect Them Without Breaking Trust

Expertly Reviewed by: DC Megan Turner, Economic Crime Prepare, Protect and Prevent Officer. (Carents Trusted Reviewer Programme – Last reviewed Feb 2026)

Romance fraud is never the victim’s fault.

These scams are carefully engineered by criminals who use emotional manipulation, validation, and isolation over time. People are not gullible or careless. They are targeted, groomed and pressured.

If your parent is involved in a romance scam, they may already feel ashamed, defensive or frightened. That emotional state is often the biggest barrier to getting help.

Romance fraud usually starts online. This can be through social media, dating websites, chat rooms or messaging apps. The scammer builds trust and emotional closeness, often quickly, then introduces a reason money is needed.

Common stories include:

• Medical emergencies
• Travel costs to finally meet
• Temporary financial problems
• Investment opportunities
• Requests to move or hold money for them

Over time, the relationship can feel intense, supportive and deeply meaningful. That is why discovery often feels like the loss of a relationship, not just a financial shock.

Romance scams often target older parents because of a mix of emotional and practical vulnerability. Many older people experience loneliness after bereavement, retirement, ill health or reduced social contact. That does not mean they are weak. It means they are human.

Scammers are skilled at spotting emotional openings. They look for people who are kind, trusting, and eager for connection. Once contact begins, the scammer offers constant attention, validation and reassurance. For someone who has felt unseen or alone, that attention can be deeply powerful.

There is also a practical element. Older parents may have savings, property, pensions or access to credit. Scammers gradually test boundaries, starting with small requests before escalating. By the time money is involved, the emotional bond is often strong enough that logic feels irrelevant.

Understanding why older parents are targeted helps shift the focus away from blame and towards protection and support.

Not every sign means a scam, but patterns matter.

You might notice that they:

• Are unusually secretive about a new relationship
• Avoid video calls or meeting in person, always with excuses
• Express strong emotional attachment very quickly
• Become defensive, angry or withdrawn if questioned
• Have sent, or plan to send, money to someone they have never met
• Are withdrawing savings, taking out loans, or accessing pensions
• Are being encouraged to keep the relationship private

Pressure, urgency and secrecy are serious red flags.

This is often the hardest part. Conversations can go wrong very quickly if they feel judged or cornered.

Your goal is not to convince them immediately.

Your goal is to keep the door open.

What helps:

• Stay calm and curious rather than confrontational
• Use “I’m worried” instead of “you’re being scammed”
• Acknowledge that the relationship feels real to them
• Let them talk, even if you strongly disagree
• Reassure them they are not stupid or to blame
  
  

You might say:

• “I can see this person matters to you. I just want to understand more.”
• “I’m not judging. I’m worried because I care about you.”
• “Would you be open to us looking at this together?”
  
  

What usually backfires:

• Dismissing the relationship as fake
• Using phrases like “fallen for it” or “obvious scam”
• Issuing ultimatums
• Bombarding them with facts before they are emotionally ready
  
  

Romance fraud relies on emotional pressure, manipulation and isolation, much like an abusive relationship. Breaking that hold takes time and patience.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with a romance scam is the fear of losing your relationship with your parent. You may worry that pushing too hard will make them shut you out, while staying silent feels like letting harm continue.

This tension is real and deeply stressful. There is no perfect script, and progress is often slow.

It can help to think in terms of safety, not winning an argument. Keeping communication open, even if they are not ready to accept the truth, gives you more chance to support them later. Small steps, like agreeing not to send money without talking first, can be meaningful progress.

If conversations become heated or overwhelming, taking a pause is not failure. It is sometimes the most protective thing you can do for both of you.

Many victims struggle to accept what is happening, especially if the relationship has been long-term.

They may be grieving:

• The relationship itself
• Lost confidence and self-esteem
• A return to loneliness or isolation
  
  

Denial does not mean they are choosing the scammer over you, or that your relationship matters less. It means they are protecting themselves from emotional pain.

Sometimes hearing from other victims, rather than family, is what breaks through. Police.uk shares real-life stories that can help people recognise what is happening without feeling attacked.

If your parent is open to it, practical steps matter.

If money may have been sent:

• Contact their bank immediately
• Report the scam to Report Fraud
  
  Online at https://www.reportfraud.police.uk/
  
  Or call 0300 123 2040
  
  

Reduce further risk:

• Stop communication with the scammer
• Block and report profiles on social media or dating platforms
• Review privacy settings on all online accounts
• Be cautious of new contact requests
  
  

If identity documents or personal details were shared, further steps may be needed to prevent loans, accounts or credit being taken out in their name.

Even when the scam stops, the emotional impact often lingers.

Your parent may feel embarrassed, isolated or depressed. Casual comments or pressure to “move on” can make this worse.

What helps most:

• Consistent reassurance that it was not their fault
• Space to talk without judgement
• Rebuilding everyday connection and routine
• Gentle encouragement to seek emotional support if needed
  
  

Organisations such as Mind or Samaritans can offer confidential, non-judgemental support. You can also include your GP. 

Romance fraud affects whole families, not just the person targeted. Those supporting parents through this can often carry guilt, anger and exhaustion long after the scam has ended. You may replay conversations, wondering what you missed or what you should have said sooner.

It is also common to feel resentment, even while knowing your parent is not to blame. These feelings can sit alongside love and concern, making them hard to talk about openly.

Financial fallout can add another layer of stress, especially if savings are gone or future care plans are affected. This can trigger anxiety about what happens next, and who will pick up the pieces.

Acknowledging your own emotional response is not selfish. It is part of coping with a situation that is genuinely traumatic. Support for you matters just as much as support for your parent.

Supporting a parent through romance fraud can be exhausting. It can feel frightening, frustrating and overwhelming, especially if you are already juggling other caring responsibilities.

Carents exists to support adults navigating complex caring situations, including the emotional impact of financial abuse and scams. You are not overreacting, and you are not failing if this feels hard.

For peer to peer support from others that may have gone through this, join our free carent community - The Carents Lounge.