Medically Reviewed by: Dr Jackie Gray, Public Health Expert and Retired GP
(Carents Trusted Reviewer Programme – Last reviewed July 2025)
On this page:
- Losing Mental Capacity: What It Means and How to Prepare
- What is mental capacity and why does it matter?
- Why mental capacity matters for your elderly parents
- Signs your parent may be losing capacity
- Common causes of losing mental capacity
- Health conditions that affect mental capacity in older adults
- Protecting elderly parents from scams and exploitation
- Emotional impact on carents when a parent loses capacity
- Steps you can take to prepare for loss of capacity
- How to talk to a parent about loss of capacity
- FAQs
Losing Mental Capacity: What It Means and How to Prepare
Losing the ability to make informed decisions, known as losing mental capacity, can happen to anyone, especially as we get older.
This guide explains what mental capacity is, why it matters, early warning signs, common causes, and the legal steps you can take in the UK to make sure your ageing parent’s wishes are respected.
What is mental capacity and why does it matter?
Mental capacity means being able to:
-
Understand information,
-
Weigh up choices,
-
Communicate a decision.
We use it all the time, from deciding what to wear in the morning to choosing medical treatment.
Some decisions need more thinking than others. Choosing between tea or coffee takes less mental effort than deciding whether to have risky surgery.
Your ability to decide can also change depending on your health, stress levels, or environment. For example, it’s easier to make a serious choice when you feel well than when you’re ill or rushed.
Why mental capacity matters for your elderly parents
Being able to understand and weigh up information is key to staying in control of your life, health, home, and finances.
Without mental capacity, you may need help with daily tasks like bathing or paying bills, and you could be more vulnerable to scams or exploitation.
For older adults, losing capacity can mean a sudden loss of independence, which is why carents need to understand the risks and plan ahead.
Signs your parent may be losing capacity
Noticing early signs that your parent may be losing capacity can help you act before a crisis. Look for changes in how they manage daily life:
-
Struggling to follow a conversation or remember what’s been said.
-
Repeatedly forgetting to pay bills or buy essentials.
-
Making unusual financial decisions, such as giving large sums away.
-
Difficulty understanding letters or instructions they used to handle easily.
-
Showing confusion about familiar places or people.
-
Becoming more withdrawn or irritable when faced with decisions.
If you notice several of these changes, keep a written record and, if possible, encourage your parent to see a GP. Early action can mean more choices while they still have capacity.
Common causes of losing mental capacity
You can lose the ability to make some decisions when brain function is damaged or disrupted. This may be temporary or permanent.
-
Temporary causes: severe depression, alcohol poisoning, psychotic episodes, or a brain infection that eventually heals.
-
Permanent causes: serious brain injuries, advanced dementia, or major strokes.
Health conditions that affect mental capacity in older adults
-
Delirium: sudden confusion often triggered by infections, medicines, dehydration, or hospital stays. Usually temporary if treated quickly.
-
Dementia: diseases that get worse over time, affecting memory, thinking, and decision-making.
-
Stroke: can damage parts of the brain, with effects ranging from mild to severe.
-
Falls and head injuries: may cause short or long-term brain damage.
-
Side effects of medicines: some cause confusion or drowsiness.
-
Brain tumours: can disrupt thinking and decision-making.
-
Mild cognitive impairment: age-related decline in thinking skills that can make complex decisions harder
-
Serious illness or injury: causing temporary loss of consciousness, coma, or induced coma
Protecting elderly parents from scams and exploitation
When a parent starts losing capacity, they may be more vulnerable to scams, fraud, or financial abuse. Criminals often target older adults because they may be more trusting or less aware of the risks.
Practical steps to protect them:
-
Put a phone call blocker in place to reduce scam calls.
-
Register with the Mailing Preference Service to cut junk mail.
-
Monitor bank statements for unusual activity.
-
Set up alerts on their accounts for large transactions.
-
If needed, arrange a power of attorney so you can step in quickly.
If you suspect financial abuse, contact your local council’s adult safeguarding team or the police.
Acting early can prevent further harm and protect your parent’s security.
Emotional impact on carents when a parent loses capacity
Losing capacity isn’t only hard for the person it happens to, it can take a huge emotional toll on their family.
Carents can often feel a mix of sadness, frustration, guilt, and even resentment. Watching a parent lose the ability to make decisions can feel like losing part of who they are.
You might find yourself second-guessing your choices or facing criticism from relatives who aren’t involved in daily care. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings rather than push them aside.
Talking openly with trusted friends, joining our carents support group, or speaking to a counsellor may help you cope and avoid burnout.
Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Looking after your emotional health is just as important as looking after your parent.
Steps you can take to prepare for loss of capacity
None of us know the future, but there are important legal steps you can take now to protect your parent’s independence and wishes. UK law offers several options:
-
Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA): a legal document that lets your parent appoint someone they trust to make financial or health decisions if they lose capacity.
-
Advance Decision (Living Will): a legally binding document stating which medical treatments they would or wouldn’t want.
-
Advance Statement: not legally binding, but records personal wishes about care, religious beliefs, or living arrangements.
It’s best to set these up while your parent still has full capacity. Without them, the Court of Protection may need to appoint a deputy which is a slower, more costly process.
Talking openly as a family while your parent still has capacity can also reduce misunderstandings later and ensure their choices are respected.
How to talk to a parent about loss of capacity
Conversations about losing capacity can sometimes feel awkward or even upsetting, but they’re essential. Here are tips to make it easier:
-
Pick the right time: choose a calm moment, not during a crisis.
-
Start with care, not fear: explain you want to make sure their wishes are respected.
-
Use examples: mention stories from friends or the news to show why planning ahead helps.
-
Listen more than you speak: give them space to express concerns.
-
Be patient: it may take several conversations to cover everything.
These talks aren’t about taking over, they’re about making sure your parent keeps as much control as possible, even if life changes.
Frequently Asked Questions
WHAT OUR CARENTS SAY
Medically reviewed by Dr Jackie Gray, July 2025
Stay in touch with The Carents Room
Stay informed and supported on your carenting journey with our newsletter, designed to provide you with:
- Practical Tips: Get expert advice and useful tips to help you navigate the challenges of caring for your elderly relatives.
- Latest Updates: Stay up-to-date with the latest news, research, and developments in health and care services.
- Community Insights: Hear from fellow carents, sharing their experiences and stories to support you.
- Exclusive Resources: Access special content and resources designed to make your role as a carer easier and more effective.
Join our community today and make carenting a smoother, more informed experience. Simply enter your email below to start receiving our carefully curated content straight to your inbox.